what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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