so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
