I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
