all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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