Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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