I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
