I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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