The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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