then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
