dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
