I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
