I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The struggles of a small town man whore
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
