Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
