Define "chronic" masturbator.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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