Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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