dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize