no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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