using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
