I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
