He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
