Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
