ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
