when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
