I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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