have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
