Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize