is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
