Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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