I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize