are you so shy because you have an std?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
