i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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