I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
