did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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