i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
