I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
