quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
