Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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