Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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