U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
