thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
