In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
