i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
