you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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