I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
