My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Even my vagina gasped.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
