the condom got lost in my hair
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
