She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
