Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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