Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
