Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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