grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
