i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
