Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize