I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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