Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
