I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize