she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
