so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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