Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
