weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
