My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to coat check the pizza.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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