Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
