I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
