I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
