i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
