I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
God, I missed his penis.
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