my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
