Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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