I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
