I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
soo... how was my night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
