So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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