its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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