ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
