so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
