I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
