Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
