Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
