Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
