I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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