from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
