Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
