been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
