maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
