I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
