I'm gonna have a badass scar
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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