Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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