If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize